Seven Things Every Married Couple Needs to Learn to Say

by Greg S. Baker, Christian Examiner Contributor |

Communication is the bedrock of marriage. Every couple should learn to say these seven powerful phrases in their marriage.

Learn to Say, "I Love You!"

This seems to be a given, but it is not said enough in today's marriages. You may indeed love your mate, but say it anyway. Say it every day. Say it several times a day. Don't be like the fellow who responded to his wife's query if he loved her by saying, "I told you I loved you when I married you. If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know." Don't do that.

Learn to Say, "Let's Talk!"

This is very essential. Communication is the key to any relationship. If you don't talk, you'll struggle to assure your spouse. People believe that if there is something in your heart, then it'll come out through your mouth. If you really care, say you do. Talk about things. Work out your differences. Talk. Words, backed up with our actions, bring the most security to someone else. Words or actions without the other just fosters doubt.

Learn to Say, "I Need You!"

Never say, "I don't need you." A marriage is about needing each other. It is about being greater than the sum of our parts. To not need your spouse is a problem. But more than simply needing each other, learn to say it to each other.

My wife and I are part of a whole. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. But feeling this way is not as important as telling her that I need her. There is great security that comes from knowing that you're needed, that you aren't superfluous.

Learn To Say, "I Admire You."

Men have a need to be admired as one would admire a hero. Women need to be admired as one would admire beauty or something very precious. Maybe you haven't figured it out by now ladies, but your husband has an ego. He loves it when you stroke that ego. He loves to be thought of as capable, strong, the "knight in shining armor," if you will.

And women need their husbands to admire their beauty, personality, and general presence. Both men and women like to be admired for their capability as well. In all cases, it is clear; we need our spouse to admire us.

Learn to Say, "Thank You!"

Everyone likes to know that their efforts were appreciated. When someone does something for you say, "Thank you." Don't take what your wife or husband does for granted. If the husband goes to work each day, don't just take that effort for granted. If your wife works, takes care of the kids, fixes meals, whatever she does, don't take it for granted. Say, "Thank you."

Gratitude and appreciation go a long way to strengthen any marriage.

Learn to Say, "Please."

Saying "Please" shows respect. Everyone needs to feel a measure of respect. When someone asks instead of demands, it shows respect for the individual as well as the individual's time and feelings. Respect is best shown through the words you say. They demonstrate recognition of the other person. Your spouse will be much more willing to help and do things for you if he or she feels respected by you.

Learn to Say, "I'm Sorry."

Every husband has hurt his wife. Every wife has hurt her husband. Learn to say, "I'm sorry." Not in a flippant, arrogant manner, but with sincerity and honesty. There are too few apologies in marriages. Mostly, when we mess up or hurt someone we don't apologize, we just pretend it didn't happen. But that sends the wrong message.

When you don't apologize, you indicate that you don't care. Trust me, that is not a message you want to send unless you want more conflict. Even if you don't feel that you were in the wrong, apologizing for your part in the problem will go a long way. Learn to say these seven things to each other and they will help build your marriage.

–Greg S. Baker pastored a church for thirteen years. He now works as the single's pastor at a local church while writing books to help expand the Kingdom of God within the kingdom of man. His books cover topics that include Christian living, manhood, and the end times. He also writes Christian fiction, believing that fiction is a major avenue for sharing the truth of God's Word. To learn more about Greg and his work, visit