Keep Some Mystery in Your Marriage

by Greg S. Baker, Christian Examiner Contributor |

One of the great attractions for people is the mystery that surrounds another person. Mystery is intriguing to people. And once a person is intrigued, they seek to get close in order to solve the mystery. So many people who meet the first time are highly attracted to one another due to this mystery surrounding each other.

This mystique and intrigue keeps people interested in each other. But the more comfortable and familiar we are with each other the less intriguing we become. Many men have allowed their minds and hearts to wander toward a woman they barely know or understand because of the new mystery involved. And in the long run, they end up with the same problems with this new woman as they had with the old one. Women do something similar when they meet tall, dark, and mysterious. The mystery of a person is often the main attraction.

It is important, therefore, that you keep some mystique and intrigue in your marriage. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Familiarity breeds contempt?" There is a measure of truth to it. The better we know someone, the less mystery there to the person. A marriage, by its nature, means you get to know someone intimately. This over familiarization of your spouse can make it so that the mystery has gone out of your marriage. The danger here is that some other person can capture your mind and imagination.

So keeping a measure of mystery and decorum in your marriage is a good idea.

Let's face it, gentlemen, no woman looks on proudly as her husband watches a ballgame, lounging around on a couch in his underwear with a bowl of potato chips on his stomach. No woman will look upon that proudly and say, "That's my husband!" However, if you hold the door for her, seat her at the table, and keep a gentlemanly air about you, she'll find that intriguing and mysterious.

Remember that air that you had when you dated — that debonair, rakish, or princely bearing that you adopted? In every effort you made to be yourself, you still presented an atmosphere of mystique and mystery that she found incredibly intriguing.

I asked my wife one day what attracted her to me. She mentioned many things, but one stood out in my mind. She told me she loved the confident way I walked. That air of confidence held tremendous intrigue for her. Remembering this, I try to keep that confident walk when I am around her.

This doesn't mean that you can't let your hair down. But it does mean that keeping that dashing or princess-like bearing is very intriguing for your spouse. In the privacy of our home, we are more familiar with each other, no doubt, but if we can keep the decorum, the mystique, and the intrigue alive, we will rekindle the attraction.

Much of it is attitude. Treating each other like you did when you were dating is an attitude. Back then, you found each other mysterious and interesting. Now you know all about each other and have discovered that it's not all roses and honey.

Many married couples have become too casual. Back then, you'd make sure that your house was spotless when your date came over. Now, you come home and throw your clothes anywhere and everywhere, don't take care of your appearance, never write a romantic letter, and have lost every bit of that dashing or princess-like air about you that so attracted your husband or wife to begin with.

–Greg S. Baker pastored a church for thirteen years. He now works as the single's pastor at a local church while writing books to help expand the Kingdom of God within the kingdom of man. His books cover topics that include Christian living, manhood, and the end times. He also writes Christian fiction, believing that fiction is a major avenue for sharing the truth of God's Word. To learn more about Greg and his work, visit