Girls avoid liars & narcissists; guys flee divas & Delilah's

by Karen L. Willoughby, |

NASHVILLE (Christian Examiner) -- Valentine's is the time of year when the internet abounds with advice about love and marriage for guys and ladies. And even advice about those the lovelorn should avoid.

Finding just the right person can be tough according to J. Lee Grady, a former editor of Charisma magazine who said on his blog that several single female friends would "very much like to find the right guy."

"Some tell me the pickings are slim at their church, so they have ventured into the world of online dating. Others have thrown up their hands in despair, wondering if there are any decent Christian guys left anywhere," Grady wrote in his "Fatherly Advice" column. "They've begun to wonder if they should lower their standards in order to find a mate."

In an attempt to help, Grady penned: "10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry."

"My advice stands: Don't settle for less than God's best. Too many Christian women today have ended up with an Ishmael because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. Please take my fatherly advice: You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!"


Many on his list of the top 10 "wrong guys" are evident, but some include scriptural references, and are more completely described in the article online:

The unbeliever.       The bum.

The liar.                   The narcissist,

The playboy.           The abuser.

The deadbeat.         The man-child.

The addict.              The control freak.

"If you are a woman of God, don't sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn't deserve you," Grady concluded. "Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus."


To get "the other side of the story" Brady's next column in Charisma magazine online is " 8 Women Christian Men Should Never Marry."

He notes mentoring several young men and has seen a few of them enter [what seems to be] successful marriages, he wrote. From those observations he crafted the following list of women men should avoid, with descriptions of each in the online article.

The unbeliever.          The contentious woman.

The material girl.        The controller.

The diva.                    The mama's girl.

The Delilah.                The addict.

"Your best rule to follow in choosing a wife is found in Proverbs 31:30: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised," Grady concluded. "Look past the outward qualities that the world says are important, and look at the heart."


In another online article Mary Colbert, a physician's wife, listed 13 women men should never marry, "because women have a tendency to be a little more complicated than men," she wrote in the March 2014 issue of Charisma magazine.

"The Word instructs that he who finds a wife finds a good thing (Prov. 18:22). It doesn't say that every woman qualifies as a good wife," Colbert wrote. "These are two completely different things. A man should be looking for a helpmate." Her list (with just the headings):

Blinded Brenda.            Addicted Debbie.

Dominating Donna.      Broke-as-a-joke Julie.

Holy Holly.                    Married Mindy.

Trophy Tina.                 Lying Linda.

Prideful Peggy.             Lazy Lucille.

Chatty Cathy.                Sad Sally.

Nervous Nellie.

"I think it's only fair to say Proverbs 31 describes several women, not just one," Colbert concluded. "Solomon had several wives, and this is a combined list of many. To expect a woman to fulfill all of these qualities is unrealistic. But there are a lot of women who meet most of the guidelines in Proverbs 31. I would say the list I have summarized here would be Proverbs 32—women to avoid."